To Be a Free Man

 “A man must love his father and yet be free of his father’s expectations and criticisms in order to be a free man.” ~ David Deida, The Way of The Superior Man

  In the third chapter of his book, the author asks his readers some powerful questions.  How might we have lived our lives differently if we never tried to please our fathers? If we didn’t try so hard to show our fathers we were worthy? If we never had to worry  or feel burdened by our father’s critical eye? How many passions were left unfulfilled due to the fear of criticism? The author guides his readers through an exercise in where we are to  imagine our father had died or to remember when he did die and to be aware of the feelings associated with that thought. Is there any part of us which is happy we no longer need to live up to to the expectations or suffer the criticisms of our fathers?

 My Fathers Death 

  It amazes me how strong a father’s opinion playes into our lives even into our adult years. We move out, get married, buy a house, have children of our own and still many of our decisions in life are based on our fathers approval. Even when we go ahead make a dcecisionwhich is right for us or our family we sometimes withhold the details form our fathers just to avoid their reaction.

 I remember the day my dad passed away,  it was very sad to lose him and yet I did feel that sense of freedom the author mentioned in his book.  My father did his best to raise me, I know that, and still the thought of his critcism or disapproval still affected me to the day of his death.

 My Son is Moving Out

  Today I was helping my son Chris pack as he will spend the next few days moving out to his new apartment. I am very excited for him and for the new chapter in his life. Our house will not be the same without his energy here. We talked about him moving out a couple of nights ago and his emotions were normal and to be expected. He was happy, excited and he also was experiencing some fear of the unknown. I assured he was making the right choice and I had di not have any doubts of him doing well on his own. As much as his mom and I love having  Chris live with us he could not live his life a totally free man while still living under our roof. I explained to  Chris that on his own he  will enjoy the freedom of living his passions without worrying about our reactions. I love Chris and I am very proud of him and I know he too tries to live up to my expectations. I know those expectations keep him from living life as a free man.

 Take The Challenge

  For the next three days,  do at  least one activity a day that you have been avoiding because of your father’s influence. This exercise will allow you to practice being free of his expectations which have also become part of your own self- judgement. Do this and be conscious of the feeling you have inside. The feeling of freedom.

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